realisation
December 22, 2011good evening cape town,
i really shouldn’t be alone tonight! i’m depressed enough as it is, and to be left alone to my thoughts pushes me below any stable norm that i at least have grown to be comfortable with. i have basically realised this week how little of life i have experienced, just turned 28 and hardly to have done a thing in life. so i sit here drinking my beer waiting for my pizza realising how low my life has gone… if anything this is the newest low possible. look at the date… 22 decemeber i should happy right, close to family, friends, fuck… anyone at least! i can’t take this any more, i know what life is meant to be, how its meant to feel, and this is not it. they say once you reach the bottom you can only go up, so true… only problem is when you’re not even sure if you have hit the bottom, what if there are still 20 storeys below you? crap could you imagine, maybe some have… and thought f it!
its time, time to get the fuck out, not just say it but to fucking do it… time to create the escape plan, time to set the ball rolling, time to scheme, hunt, seek and make this escape possible. i don’t think i can take this for too much longer not when i have now realised what i have left behind.
