Confused… Follow Ur Heart or Ur Mind?!

Now there’s a big question!! Well if its not big for you, it certainly is big for me…..

I have been placed in the position where my next move should really be based on either one. Heart or Mind!!! The best part of this whole mess up is that I have openly and honestly explained it to both parties and well they both seem to fully understand where I am coming from. So that’s awesome!

The one party is hoping I choose with my heart, and take the risk on her… I have said to her if she fully understands the risks of me choosing with my heart then I feel very comfortable choosing her. With this choice things will be tough, and may end painfully!! Ooi vey!!! This is the option my entire being is opting for right now… I have developed feelings for this girl, more than the other girl….

The other party is hoping I choose with my mind… not letting my heart over rule my mind. Based on my track record, this is the safer option for me. With this choice however there seem to be quiet a few other apparent risks.

So whats the safer option.. or do I just go on like always and stick with my ’singleness’, basically telling both girls that I don’t think it will work with either of them! Hmmm… the joys of the scape goat option!!

Thoughts?!

Everywhere I look, People making Connections

[kuh-nek-shuhn] :- the state of being connected

Like Dexter says, ‘Everywhere I look, people are making connections…’ friendly, romantic, whatever! Human connection just leads to messy emotions, attachment, jealousy and complications.

My previous post Re: Are You just the Next Piece of Art, is so true! I was wondering around my local shopping mall this morning, watching everyone. Either people are together in pairs or groups. If they’re walking alone, chances are they’re checking people out wishing they could be connected with them. I won’t lie, I wonder around also looking at everyone.. and I notice everyone.
Those people that really stand out to me, well yes I get the emotional desire to know them better and become ‘attached’…. but then it hits me, ‘is that what I really want from that person’, coz all I know about them is what they look like. The answer?!? No!!!! Coz actually I don’t want anything from that person… I don’t even know them! I could let myself go with my thoughts, but that just leads to more messy complications.

Lets not even go further, its simple… they’re pretty, they’re nice to look at, they’re art…. but what are the odds that they will ever meet my most basic of standards… yes I know, its sad to say that I have such standards, but these are not standards I will ever bend on… there are, at the end of the day, only two!!! Two standards which control my life, two standards which make me, Me!

The ‘art pieces’ that attract my attention, 9 out of 10 times don’t meet either of the two criteria and thus… why bother?! Why Bother?!

Why Bother?! Coz I maybe pleasantly surprised!!! Coz one day maybe that one ‘art piece’ turns out to be the perfect one! The one that maybe, just maybe I could spend the rest of my life with!!! Thus we must allow ourselves to go out and make those messy connections. Hey, maybe the one messy connection in fact introduces you to ‘the’ one!!!

Who knows, this is life, and we’re living it right now… so go take that risk!!!

Words Fail!!!

Why is it that words continue to fail. They fail to fully express just about everything I feel!!
Emotions would be better off described visually, and its near to impossible to describe in words a visual experience…. to every person a description comes out different. For all I know… most of what I say on this blog makes absolutely no sense to anyone else but me… I dunno

I couldn’t sleep last night and so began thinking about life. I became quite melancholic, but when I tried to write what I was feeling down, nothing came to mind. I put some music on, and that helped because words stood out from songs. But now reading those words without the music they seem empty, worthless!!!

I did start thinking about how much of a wall I have truly built up in my life as a form of protection. How much of what I block, or keep bottled up should I let out. How much of it could I let out without there being any impact to me or to those around me… but I cling to them just because, I can and because I have always found safety in keeping things to myself.

What would happen if I let it all go? Would I be able to love without requirements? Would I be able to express myself better? Would people notice, or would it blow by like the wind? Its a load of questions… questions which I would only know the answer to if I did just let it go… it seems as though the biggest risk in life is having to risk it all.

Opening up and showing my true self…. scary!!! What would people think? What would I think?!

Its not enough, surely! There must be more to just letting it go, knocking it down… coz I have tried before, and yet here it is… still!!!